New Year Resolution 2012

New Year Resolution 2012

When performing magic I suffer from stage fright. Actually that comment is deceiving – it implies that I perform magic. I began studying magic at the age of 11 or 12, developed stage fright at 16. I am now 25 and trying to overcome this stage fright, that’s nearly 10 years since I was comfortable performing.

Back in 2011 I started attending a weekly “magic night” at a bar where two magicians were paid to perform close up but any magician was allowed to perform for free.  I never performed. I did learn and share with other magicians and performed a few pieces for them, but there was no issue of stage fright when performing for other magicians.

Over time I started to realise what I was missing by not performing, and I wanted to overcome the stage fright. The other magicians there were all very encouraging and had nothing but kind words and helpful advice.

The stage fright started when I was 16 years old, I began studying magic at about the age of 11 or 12 during my first year of secondary school. At first it was great, I loved performing, but at the age of 16 it became well known throughout the school that I performed magic and suddenly there was a lot of demand to perform all of the time.

At the time I was happy to perform for them but I soon ran out of tricks so I started repeating the tricks I’d already performed. Occasionally people were able to figure out how the tricks worked because of these repeat performances. My next solution was to keep learning new tricks and perform those instead. By doing that I put a lot of pressure on myself and couldn’t practice the tricks to a level where I felt comfortable performing them. This caused me to develop my famous response to being asked to show a trick: “Not right now, but I’ll show you one later” and similar phrases to delay performing indefinitely.

As soon as I started finding excuses not to perform I started feeling nervous about actually performing, and that is how the stage fright started. The stage fright is specific to the performance of magic, I have no problem speaking publicly and giving presentations, I actually enjoy giving presentations, and I get a great thrill giving presentations when I am completely unprepared and have to make it up on the spot.

I went through a small phase of performing again several years later when I was at university but only when I was rather drunk. A month or so after attending my first “magic night” I started performing for friends, but once again only when I was drunk.

In about September or October of 2011 I decided that I wanted to overcome my stage fright and begin performing magic again. My solution was to focus entirely on presentation, and perform some self-working/semi-automatic tricks. My favourite magic books have been The Collected Works of Alex Elmsley ever since I first read them, I loved the mathematical based tricks and principles and was very inspired by Elmsley’s way of thinking. I have always enjoyed self-working tricks and when I started attending the “magic night” it was quite enjoyable to fool the other magicians with this style of card trick.

The logic behind performing self-working tricks was that ‘if I enjoy public speaking then the presentation should be no problem, it is the method I am nervous about.’ However this turned out to be completely untrue, even with methods where I have absolutely no doubt about them working I was still nervous. As such turning to self-working magic probably wasn’t the complete answer, but it was a good first step. It eventually led to the realisation that until I feel comfortable performing I need to avoid anything complicated in method regardless of how well I have practiced it. I needed to be completely focused on the performing.

So I started performing magic for my friends more often. I would do a couple of simple tricks, usually highly interactive and often end with Paul Curry’s Out of This World. I was enjoying myself but I was still only performing on nights out, and only after a couple of beers. This was an improvement, as I was no longer performing drunk, it was only after one or two. I should point out that I was not drinking to help me perform, most of my opportunities to perform just happen to be when I’m having a drink with friends.

Fast forward to new year’s eve 2011. After the countdown (shouldn’t we count up?) to midnight we all celebrated and then people started asking each other about their plans and resolutions for the new year, normally I have no idea what to say because it’s not something I’d previously thought about. This year I was prepared... “I want to perform a magic trick for a stranger at magic night.”

The new year starts, and I take it slowly, I start by practicing lots, and planning. I soon realised that the tricks I was learning with stacked decks were relatively useless in the situations I usually found myself and started learning impromptu self-working tricks.

I came up with a new response to the show me a trick question: “yeah, OK.” I didn’t use this response all the time, and still don’t, saying no is a long hard habit to break.

I slowly started performing for friends more and more, and made the decision that if I was going to drink I wouldn’t take any cards with me, and if I took cards with me then I wouldn’t drink all night. This way I started performing when I wasn’t drinking. This is an obvious step forwards when trying to develop genuine confidence performing. Plus it is just nicer, I have some horrible memories of performances going wrong due to alcohol (either on my behalf or spectators), and gave me more clarity and control over the performances.

Several months into the year along came a major setback. Or so it seemed at the time, “magic night” was cancelled at the bar. We could no longer perform there, we continued meeting elsewhere, but I had lost my easy opportunity to perform to a stranger. I needed it to be easy to make it less likely that I would chicken out.

“Magic night” continued, but at a new venue, and with just magicians attending, there was no more performing to audiences, just talking magic, learning and sharing. We started a weekly magic challenge, to come up with solutions to problems. Performing for strangers went out of my head completely. I did continue performing for friends and family though.

Several months later (in September or October 2012) we heard of a kind of open mic night for magicians, and suddenly the thoughts of performing for a stranger came back. We started attending these open mic nights twice a month.

The first open mic night coincided with the local university LGBT society freshers pub crawl. Suddenly we were overwhelmed with drunk freshers enjoying their first weeks at uni. I was planning on performing for a stranger, and joined a group of students for a chat, they asked me what was going on, and I explained what the night was, they told me they hate magic, so I carried on chatting and didn’t mention that I had a trick to show them. I didn’t perform that night or any of the subsequent open mic nights. I kept the attitude that I would perform if I felt like it, but I wouldn’t pressure myself.

In late November I showed a couple of tricks to a friend who came for dinner. I explained my resolution to him and then I realised that there were only two open mic nights left before the end of the year. I was running out of time.

I decided that I was going to perform at the next open mic night. It turned out it was the last open mic night of the year, as they had cancelled the next one. You can read about my journey to this open mic night in my previous post “Fooled by an Inanimate Object Performing a Double Lift”.

I arrived and chatted for a while, there was no one in the pub except for magicians! What terrible luck!

Eventually one man arrived at the pub with a friend, they are regulars to the open mic night, so I considered them a safe bet, but shortly after they arrived other magicians showed them tricks one after another, I didn’t want to bother them any more! So I waited to see if anyone else arrived.

No one arrived. I went to get a glass of diet coke. I was chatting away with the bar tender and asked him “do any of these guys ever come and show you a trick?” referring to the other magicians, he responded that they have a couple of times. He asked me about my magic, I offered to show him.

I took out my deck and I shuffled it, then I performed the oldest trick in my repertoire. The one I’ve performed countless times, everyone enjoys, and I have no problems with. It’s not even self-working – all that practice of self-working tricks gone out of the window...

I followed the first trick with a second (the Biddle trick). All through the performance I was comfortable, didn’t feel nervous at all, in fact it seemed just like I was having a chat. The bar tender seemed to enjoy the tricks, I enjoyed myself, everyone was a winner.

I continued chatting with the bar man for a while and then returned to my seat. When I sat down I realised my hands were shaking, but they were not shaking during the performance which is good.

I was honest with the bar tender. Before I started my tricks I explained to him what my new year’s resolution was, and that he was going to help me complete it. I’m not sure if this was a good idea or not, but it made me feel more comfortable.

Observations:

I think the key to the successful performance was that before I went to the open mic night I had already decided that I was going to perform. So I did.
Previously I had gone with the intention of performing if I felt like it. So I didn’t.
If anyone reading wants to overcome stage fright, absolutely decide to perform before you arrive. It will help.

Next steps:

I need to continue with this for a while. It would be very easy to say “I’ve done it now” and then never do it again – I need to do it again at the earliest opportunity.

I also need a new year’s resolution for 2013: something to help further with overcoming stage fright. Comment with any suggestions.